Happiness Waiting For Me? I Don`t Think So!

"ya ya! Whatever!" (Bang!)
I closed my room`s door with full of anger.. Was wondering what`s wrong I did today or last few days~ Sincerely, today was a fully bored day and I was a silly human being sitting inside my room (Accurately was me and my mom`s room).. Sadly, me and my beloved`s relationship not really well for few days.. Perhaps, some unpleasant reward from police makes him like that.. Cool down myself, controlling myself so that no quarrel occur... Too much of incidents happened this few days, I was scared! Most of my ex planning to patch back with me.. Surprisingly, these make me feel useless and worthless inside me... My bestie was busying with their studies.. (I can understand girls!) Told them everything, their comments try to change my mind so that I don`t care about them..

My bad thinking began when my relationship going worse to worst... Still, I`m using those memories in my mind to calm my feeling down... For longer time, my thinking changed again~ Stop myself to think those unimportant stuffs, out of sudden, I`m blanked.. Nothing inside my brain, the only was my result slip... Turning turning turning and turning................. Damn tension, wondering that white paper with those printed grades... Arghhh! Hopefully A1 only.. Imagining my future, felt excited with my college or university life~ Dreaming I become an intelligent student, work hard for my distinction results in future.. That`s my aim! To be or not to be, my driving courses coming soon~ Kinda happy and worried... There`s someone very supportive to me always provide me confidences~ Should I call him as my " Confidence Machine" ? Wakakakaka.. I`m sure he will be " sweat " now after read my post...

Missing him badly.. Wondering who will be the one that I missed.. Sometimes I was blaming myself didn`t really appreciate things around me~ Can`t give an answer to myself, I`m realise that I can`t mix up with those crazy family members.. These became my very first question to myself~ Non-stop searching for answers, perhaps I don`t have those attitude? Or maybe not ? I don`t know..... And these will become a mystery inside my heart thus no answer and solutions for it..

Watching Taiwanese drama, sometimes there`s some message from those dramas~ All about love, about care, about concern~ Over acting will provide wrong messages, yet, I get some message that I regret in only one Taiwanese drama, " miss no good "... I believe most of teenager watched this movie from Will Pan and Rannie Yong~ This drama started with a girl who always bring lots of smiles to everyone, she don`t care public`s comment on her and she loved everything belong hers names as, Small Flower.. Accidentally, she met up with a fashion designer, Tang Men, a cool, mature, handsome, honest guy~ Surely wondering how was he and she falling in love with each other.. Summarizing, finally Tang Men planning to go German to continue his career at the same time he wants to marry with small flower too... Unfortunately, his bestie, Si Le had admitted to hospital because of an accident~

He knows his beloved ( small flower) was kind and like his bestie last time.. What he did was ended his and her relationship cruelly instead he wants her to forget about him at all~ That`s impossible for her.. By the time his bestie awaken, he told Small Flower to express her feeling, her love toward Tang Men~ With full of sadness, he called her to go now while Tang Men was in the airport... Running Running Running and Running... She saw him and told him.... She loves him and these will be forever her choice~ I was surprised my tears dropping... Felt kinda sorry and regret that I didn`t tell him all my feeling... I was terrible and useless, I don`t have the confidence as like Small Flower to tell him my feeling.. Just let him leave here without any feelings... I`m really a kid, most of the time felt " If there`s doraemon in this world was great and awesome! " Seriously, am I silly? And things I really wanted to ask him was " Is it deserve to wait me like that? Don`t you think that`s worthless?! "

I KNOW YOU WILL WAIT FOR ME, BUT DOESN`T MEAN I WILL ACCEPT YOU !!

Incident Of The Day

*+* Have To Push Up To Study My Biology By Myself !! It`s Sucks And Hard !! *+*

*+* I`m Not Robot ! T.T I Need Rest Too~ Hehe ! *+*

*+* My Reward From Studying ! Muhahaha From My Mother ! *+*

My Dream

From the year of 2006, I always dreaming to become a/an chemist or architecture~ Time pass quickly, until the year of 2008, I had decided to study pharmacy and change my dream to pharmacist... Hmm chemist and pharmacist almost the same career for sure there`s some differences in between both.. First year of form 4, I was in sub- science stream yet to study chemistry, physics and engineering drawing.. The very first thing in my mind was achieve a good result to further my studies.. Absolutely hard to continue the road of pharmacist, the interest of study chemistry and other science subjects helps me to gain knowledge.. I would like to thank a person that guide me for 2 years in chemistry subject, she taught me patiently, Puan Low Tze Joo... She`s the prettiest teacher in my school, not only from her appearance but also from her attitude to her beloved students~ First day I went to her class, she`s fierce and strict.. Maybe I`m prefect, she expect higher achievement compare to other students.. She told me, I`m holding school high responsibility, and I should be role model in class as well.. Beginning of class, I felt bored and meaningless to study chemistry.. My teacher love to put me on first.. Argghhhh.. That`s my bad dream and best dream started.. Almost one year completely she taught me, from hate to love, I deeply admire and proud of her.. Follow her teaching, follow her lesson, I can truly accept her strict.. In fact, she always mentioned that`s for your own good..... owhhhhhhh~

One year ended very fast, my classmates and me praying, praying, praying~~~ Purpose? Just want Puan Low to continue teaching us... Full of cheers, she does teach us for the second year... With full of happiness, we felt glad to become her students again.. Still remember that my form 4 1st exam, I failed my chemistry.. I didn`t wonder and bother about that.. All scenes came out of sudden, and finally I passed the subject and with the grade of 3B in the second year 1st exam.. She`s proud.. For me, she`s the one who helps me a lot to love the subject.. Getting nearer to the final exam, SPM, I study my best, I make myself to be the person who let Puan Low feel very proud.. Study hard for everyday, finally get grade A2 in the trial final exam.. Her praises increase, she continue advise me to keep my good job until I finish my final exam and so to further my career studies.. 20th of November, That`s the day I`m facing my chemistry paper.. I did my revision for pass few days, bringing confidence to the examiner hall with all my knowledge and skills from her.. Finally I did it well, finished the exam with full of proud.. She hold my shoulder with those words " You did the best! ".. I knew she was looking me at the opposite office from the begin till the end of exam.. For lastly, I`m proud of myself because I did well..

No teacher No dreams.. That`s what I can tell everyone of my friends.. The only support from her, Puan Low ( My beloved chemistry teacher ) and my family in studies pushing me slowly towards my target.. That`s the time my dream come true in my life, yet, without her guidance, I wasn`t know the importance of dream..Thanks for so supportive to me and it works, my teacher..

Looking Forward

Dring..... Dring...... Dring..... My phone is ringing... Opening my phone with a blur face, my darling was calling me~ Slept for 6 hours, felt kinda headache... Arghh.. paining.. Can`t really stand the feeling~ I brushed my teeth and washed my face slowly with eyes closing, ( Coon huh? ) walking along my house corridor to living hall, saw my mother sitting in front of my PC checking her mail box... Suddenly she told me to change my clothes, today she planning to register for me driving lesson... That`s terrible day, I need to face bored 5 hours for listening course, everything they decided for me, feeling like i`m puppet always controlled by my family... Think happily, I wish I could pass my driving exams easily.. At the same time also can stop my family comment on me....... So tired, so tired.... Hopefully my bored day will end up soon.. I can be free as well... My mother and brother said all about those things happily.. But actually they don`t know my own feeling, even though my brother studying psychology, he knows me but not deeply.. Same as my mother, she don`t know what am i thinking at all.. every time i make a decision will get rejection from them... To think more unhappiness, I closed myself inside my bedroom, cover with my comforter blanket, crying.. crying.. I don`t dare to tell anyone, I don`t dare to share with my family.. They even tease me in front of me... Never mind.. I just wish I can make myself feeling stable all the time... Nowadays, I`m really looking forward for my SPM result.. Really hopefully I can get my grades even more than my expectation... My dears, I`m so sad.. I live in sorrow life... Will I finish my life like this? God knows

- Work Was Tiring But Memorable -

Guess what.. she`s the one who appear in my life of work~ First day that i met her was a memorable day... It`s easy for everyone to understand, from know to close.. As a mother, she was caring, lovely, friendly and kind.. That`s why i love to mix up with others no matter what`s the person race or trust... From first day we know each other, we seldom talk to each other, instead I`m scared of her because she`s strict to her co-workers... Try to guess how old are she, for sure everyone won`t believe she`s my one of the classmate`s mother... Looks Young huh? At the same time, many customers thought she`s my sister too.. haha.. Unbelievable huh?



Work as a permanent promoter for 4 years and 2009 was fifth year for her, she helps a lot and taught me everything... Not only teaching me, she was a hardworking women that I admired... I`m admitted to join her brand, Hazard... The first day and first sentences that she told me was " greetings my lovely girl, ready for a target races between brands? " I`m shocked and blurred, " Awesome! That`s challenging! " I replied confidently... She taught me all the communication skills, solving skills and location of stocks... She`s tidy and clean... Luckily, I had completed my cleaning for her and so I could catch up her steps... She trusted me, and hopefully we can reach our company target there was RM48,000 for only January..



Once she told me, my brain appeared lots of tension yet shocked with a big surprising eyes " WHAT???!!!!! " screaming softly in front of her... she`s trying to cheer me up " Do your best to achieve the aims! Only hardworking and smart communicate may help us! " I`m glad that she`s optimistic as what I did to myself.. That`s cheering... 10:30 morning on weekends, there was crowded, me and Annie only hope there`s lot of customers coming to check out our products... Generally, customers will only go for those famous brand to purchase their product for preparation of Chinese new year...



Out of our expectation, customers was fully occupied our brand counter... As what we said, we will do our best to achieve aims... We served them friendly, with a warm smile.. That`s true! Served with a smile helps a lot... Day by day, our target are getting closer... Usually break only limited 1 hour for each employee.. The inspiration of fighting target reduce our break... We willing to give more time to fight for large amount target... Annie told me, the last day of my work was 25 January, that`s the Chinese new year eve... Without thinking of that day, I had tried to help her as she concern about me and my family a lot...



The most memorable moment was me and my brand manager`s conversation... He`s a strict friendly, understanding, fair and lovely guy... He`s nearly 50 years instead he`s maintaining a good looking... The first day i met him was the first week of January~ For sure i didn`t know who`s he,his personality and also the way he treats workers~ At the time he was observing my counter, i thought he was a customers that just simply look around here... At the same time, a group of aunties was surrounded my counter, choosing shirts and slacks to their husband... That`s lucky day for me, I was Hokkien, and it helps me in that situation... I was trying to asking what they looking for and those sizes~ For hours i served them with only one warm smile face, the customers bought 3 shirts and 2 slacks from my counter... With happily, my promoter offered to give them more and more free gift... " You`re nice and friendly, I love your services.. Thanks for being my assistant to guide me about choosing better products! Bye~ " I`m blushed... and Annie gave me a sweet smile said " Well done! "



The manager was walking around our counter for hours, non-stop looking at me~ Out of sudden, he called me... He asked me about myself... Be safety, I lie him about all myself and except names.. Once i saw his tag, I`m surprised... The only time i realised he`s my manager... He look at me and smile nicely with warm sentences " No scares~ I`m Chris Loo, the manager for Hazard. From just now i`m observing how you serve customers~ Pretty good.. You done it well~ " I smiled and said " Thank you, That`s my responsibility " ... With all those praises, I became more confident for each day...

One and half week gone,I learnt how to sew slacks and cotton pants... That`s my pleasure to help customers sew... That`s tired after I finish my work at 10pm or sometimes might 11pm... Feeling great when I saw the increasing of sale for each day until the eve of Chinese new year... Finally, My last day came... The day before, I can`t sleep well... Feeling hard to leave Annie alone to fight and we shared our things together... I get know a lot of friends.. I love to share some sweets or candy with them just wanted to bring my happiness to them also...





Early morning of chinese new year eve, I received a big hamper from Annie.. It was touched and lovely, she said all promoters nearby share and they bought for me... I almost cried and receiver should not me and so for Annie from me~ Besides that, she gave me angpau... Oh god! She gave an excuse " New Year angpau shouldn`t reject and the only thing can do is accept.." Without any words, I hugged her and said thank you.. To remind me of everyone that appeared in my working life, their everything will be remember...

My New Life Started In 2009

First day of 2009, I`m happy... Non-stop wondering where i get those feelings? Hm... The first day of this year, I felt lonely~ Felt something gone from me, kinda sad, kinda depress~ I`m always controlling my unhappy feelings~ Never mind, I can`t express my feelings by telling to someone even my beloved.. The only thing to do is expressing by blog... Lots of my friends joining blog and i... just follow their steps... So many years in secondary school, it is not easy to pass through those stages... For me, it makes me get know everything that I`m going to face in future~

Move in to 2009, I felt all my memories came out in my mind~ The good and bad impression and memories with my friends and teachers will not disappear in my whole life... I`m very appreciate what they brought me within 5 years... We quarrel, hate, share, joy and fun for years... We share warm between us... Instead, we face problem together plus solve problem together... I know a group of friends from prefectorial board... I changed.. Be lame, love jokes, be optimistic and the most important, smile to face anything~ I believe smile can cure everything~

About my 2008, form 5 life... Hahaha~ That`s funny year for me... The tension when facing SPM that year, I love complaining my stress to my beloved, to my friends, to my besties and the hottest was my family... Ah ha.. Isn`t I mention I love smile to face everything? It became my weakness too... Sometimes I won`t show my sadness to everyone... First fact, My attitude, stubborn and selfish... The only time that showing my real faces when I`m facing mirror, I will blame the only enemy, myself~ I believe "someone and the only one" read my blog, he`s this only one who know my attitude... I`m here to say sorry to him... That i hurted him hardly~ Remember everything that I did with a purpose behind~

Second fact, my bad communication skills, not good in expressing... These makes me crazy indeed... Yet, this problem won`t be my next blocking... I`m planning to take an extra class for improve my languages skills... Hopefully that`s improvement in my life... Day by day, I`m worried, I can`t relax for each day... Thinking of my result and the grades.. bringing me towards the road of dying... Haiz, whatever........ I don`t care too much, that can`t help me to get my result happily...

Lastly, about my new journey of love life, I hope my beloved will try to understand my situation, high expectation from my family... Now, I`m still seeking ways to further studies and also try to achieve my aims to be famous pharmacist in industrial... I told my dear about my future, about my dreams... Surprisingly, he told me, I became mature and changed a lot compare to the years before... With full of happiness feelings, I just said " Thank you, that`s beginning of real me"... Bring those sentences that chilled me lot, I started my first post of this blog...